Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
so tired of my mind running, repeating some stupid lyric stuck in my head or some random thought made on accident that now circles as if to only exist to drive me crazy
not supposed to care, i should be fine this is not the first time alone
aren't i better than this, stronger than lonliness
wanting to think of anything other than the look he gives, of his scent or the feeling only he is capable of evincing
if he just stops i may lose it but i shouldn't care
at least that is what i am telling myself to make sense of it all
i have been here so many times it should be so routine by now
move, stop, repeat
so why now is it any different, maybe its not
push it down put your walls back up
no good at being ignored maybe that is what i am clinging to
i'm not capable of playing hard to get
i'm not able to play any games at all
the pathetic thoughts are just going in circles
the heavy hearted feeling that make no sense in my head
makes me doubt the two communicate at all
there is one "void" i wish to fill.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
(review from an art show in Carson)
What up, Amber Gutry?
Usually she’s at Never Ender, the boutique and gallery she owns in Reno , stitching together belts out of visquine and hardware-store paint samples, or providing a well-lit, much needed venue for young painters funneling out of the University of Nevada , Reno .While not holding together the scene, she’s behind the scenes, shooting photos. With an eye for graceful combinations of the industrial and the soft, she looks for small, urban details and ends up with a mix of sparse, graphic boldness and textural abstraction that is as close to tactile as you could get in a two-dimensional medium. They exist just as pixels in files until an outlet comes along, and she takes a flexible approach to the work’s final form. The same images might end up on a quilt or in a frame.
(from RNR review of an art show at Never Ender)
For Gutry, this was also an experiment in relinquishing some of the control she would normally have over an exhibit. Part of her idea was to take a creative approach toward meeting one of the challenges of running a gallery: finding a stable of dependable artists who consistently produce good artwork.
Gutry has always been one to capitalize on whatever resources are available. In late 2004, when the walls weren’t installed in time for Never Ender’s grand opening, she held the exhibit on bare lumber framing. In this case, she’s depending on her usual artists’ professional connections to help her cast a wider net.
some days do you feel like you are walking backwards? i do today
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
i am winding down from my 3 days off work, a little catch-up-on-life vacation. and well, i may just feel more overwhelmed than 3 days ago. my problem with having time to do things is i just end up finding more things i want to do. i did get a bit of work done that i have been putting off and i did spend some bday cash. (lets not speak of the bday). ok lets do...
i turned 27 last week and for some odd reason while you are taking shots it always seems a good idea to take more. so 2 hours later and 8 shots, 4 beers in, the vomiting began. lucky for me i had liz, sarah and pizza guy to hold back my hair and remind me to not puke on my shoes. thanks guys! so i think i may need to cut back on the drinking for a bit, i feel like i am using it as something i should not be. but maybe i just like the taste of pabst!
back to my 3 days off...i spent the better part of sunday (a beautiful reno fall day i may add), on the roof with sparky (my step dad). i had some holes that needed fixing and since i no longer have a man around he gets to help me out, lucky guy ;) it was really nice, as it always is when we fix things, just chatting the two of us. i really lucked out in the dad department by getting a best friend as well.
i spent monday with pizza guy doing, well nothing, which was pretty much amazing. (whats that movie that says something about being comfortable enough to just shut the fuck up for a while?) anyways, it was really nice just sitting on my floor sewing and knowing someone was in the room.
and today i spent thinking i wanted to shop then realizing, not so much. then working and hanging with rukus. *rukus had a tumer removed from his paw last week (thankfully it was not cancer), so he has been not too happy lately.
so now i am pretty tired from my 3 day vacation and want to climb into bed with someone cuddly, i'm guessing it will be rukus.
i have been taking new photos, mostly for the skis i am designing for Moment, you can see them on the myspace. also i have been making a lot of random art, finally, which has been amazing. art i have really missed you.
ok, i am now rambling and need to sleep....see you soon
Saturday, August 30, 2008
"i don't understand that. i would give someone a record so they could love the record, not so they would always know i gave it to them"
"but mostly, i was crying because i was suddenly very aware of the fact that it was me standing up in that tunnel with the wind over my face. not caring if i saw downtown. not even thinking about it. because i was standing in the tunnel. and i was really there. and that was enough to make me feel infinite."
"when i was done reading the poem, everyone was quiet. a very sad quiet. but the amazing thing was that it wasn't a bad sad at all. it was just something that made everyone look around at each other and know that they were there, Sam and Patrick looked at me. and i looked at them, and i think they knew. not anything specific really. they just knew. and i think that's all you can ever ask from a friend."
i love that last one and i feel blessed to have some people in my life as of late that know what you are thinking and know when you need a hand on your shoulder and a full minute of staring.
and one from me:
"i am now seeing that memories are what becomes when events are no longer real. looking back at events, people, feelings from my past, it's like they were never real. like i am watching them on TV as the memories role on inside my mind. and maybe for some of the memories this is good because it separates you enough to make you numb to them. maybe there were never real."
image to follow, it is drying and in need of stitching.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
well summer, i have a few weeks to make the most of you, we will see what happens.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Thursday, August 7, 2008
"you're going to sink wearing that heart of gold"
Monday, July 14, 2008
the weekend art on the lawn went super well, i would have sunk if it wasnt for stacie. talk about a true friend, she basically rang everyone up all day and didnt complain at all. what a gal.
sarah arrives this weekend, im excited, its going to be weird for sure having her in the same town.
well this is lame and im too tired to be exciting, so goodnight
Sunday, July 6, 2008
"(Oh me of little faith...) Offer nothing to believers, but words. whether the hand of God, or the work of the Devil. the burden is upon my shoulders. (All these words whispered in my ears...) Nothing is sacred, for we are all sheep (All these words whispered in the air...). I'm not the sheperd by any means. i'm merely the man with schematics for building the bridge. sacrificed by hands."
sometimes i have these things that i have to do that make my heart sink into my stomach and i all of a sudden feel too overwhelmed to breath. when we had the store it was putting up the walls, then it was sanding the floors, then it was taking the walls down, well pretty much everything felt like that i guess. so today as im staring at the framed walls my step dad and i hung last weekend, i suddenly felt so overwhelmed at the idea of drywall, mud, texture, paint, carpet, baseboards and door trim.
well just like everything else i freak out about, it is finished, well the hard part is, and it really wasn't so bad.
the story of sunday afternoons in july aka me and sparky's only days off spent working...
last sunday we bought wood, planned it out, made the frame and hung the door. i stood on 2x4's while sparky screwed them together, thats about all i was good for on sunday.
today we cut dry wall, "sheet rock" as sparky calls it, i call it pain in my butt. he made it all look so easy, but turns out, after he left to to my own devices to finish up, my "sheet rock" cutting skills are sub par...(to be continued).
we even insulated it, stacie will be nice and warm and quiet. we even wore masks and gloves so we dont die.
if this was a close up you could see how much better sparky's side is than mine. but i did my side, almost all on my own (anthony held the "sheet rock" and tightened a few screws), cut the dry wall, insulated it and screwed it up. I even had a good attempt at hammering the finishing nails into/at the door frame. there are a few extra dents in the door frame but hey gives it character.
so even though my first adventure in home construction was overwhelming, i accomplished something huge, well we did, ok sparky did, but i helped! and so did ruky!
something for fun....
you have all seen this photo, from way back when we first met, i think anthony had just gotten out of the hospital (i am assuming this based on how thin he looks in the face). those two boys look very alike....
...well the other night they were being crazy as they do and i caught another twin moment...
i swear, they are lucky they are cute, cas they drive me nuts!
how i spent my "me time" for today...
i walked rukus, i made myself dinner alone for the first time in a long long time, i watched a movie while doing a lino cut, i made this very long blog, and now i will go read some more of "don't sweat the small stuff", or maybe a new zine i got in the mail yesterday!
Saturday, July 5, 2008
working on letters
working on any art
watching a movie and not working while doing so
going out with friends
going to the movies alone
going to eat alone
(i have honestly never done either and i think its past due)
walking Rukus (thats me and him time, even better)
going to the library
shopping (for fun, not necessity)
hanging out in my yard, bbqing or making marshmellows or even just sitting on my porch
riding my bike (girls with gears is back and bigger than ever)
sitting by the river
so we will see how far i get with this.
my "me time" for today is emails, blogging while watching a movie on Hank Williams that i got from the library. maybe i will go get some marshmellows and beers and hang out in front of the fire outside in the already smoky air.
Monday, June 30, 2008
1. the clubhouse birth
2. sit on porch with my twinkle lights on hanging out and chatting
3. back yard bbq at my new house
4. park bbq on bikes
5. river bike rides, reunite the bike gang
6. go the the south lake waterfalls
7. eat at the beacon in south lake
8. skateboard at night
9. there are more but i don't remember right now...
to be continued!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
i had been thinking this week how my summer hasn't really started. all i have been doing is working and i'm ok with it, but i feel like i should get a little summer too.
so last night was perfect, it felt like the summer i had wanted
things i did last night that were amazing...
ate cheap pizza washed down with cheap beer outside with good friends
harassed a dishwasher
hung out at a bar i find myself at a lot lately, but haven't hung out at since 2004
saw some good old friends and heard "it is so good to see you" a lot
socialized with strangers
met someone who should have been at my best show ever
...and my favorite part...
pretty good night. good friends. good conversation. and best friend necklaces
Friday, June 27, 2008
so today i go to pick up a book i was holding, "don't sweat the small stuff for women", and checked out the movie section, yes they have movies too! i picked up a hank williams movie and a street car named desire. so as i am walking out of the library with my movies and book i just feel so fulfilled, and they are free! maybe this part should have come first, but another thing i love is that i can go online and hold books, its sort of like shopping, and then they send the books to my favorite library. i sort of got addicted to that last week. and my favorite library is sierra view. i love that old shopping center, maybe because i spent a lot of time there as a kid, theres just something that feels so familar and safe about it. it makes me want to get a book and sit in the little table and chairs and hang out eatting a sandwich, i hope to do this at some point when life settles down.
so this all may sound total stupid to most people because unlike me you didn't just discover the library, but to me, the place is amazing.
oh and then i got home to my package of things i ordered from modish, and boy they are amazing!
here is a new polaroid...
these are my very first, very own sweet peas. i have always wanted to have sweet peas in my yard and lucky me, my house came chalked full of them! and right next to this batch, honeysuckle!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
so welcome to my blog, my first, we will see how this goes...