Sunday, January 31, 2010

My A to Z about me, for Swap Bot

A - Amber (hey that's me!) and Art, a big part of my life.
B - Bikes, I am in a bicycle gang with my girlfriends. I also have done this local 24 hour bike race/scavenger hunt the last 2 years. This year we got about 7th place out of almost 40 teams.

C - craft, i am a fan of crafting, combining craft with art.
D -Diana F+ camera, my newest camera, modeled after a toy camera in the 70s, it takes great photos, even though I still haven't figured it out completely yet, I still love working with it.

E - Ephemera, I love collecting scraps and bits.
F - Fate, I have decided all things happen how they are going to and you can't do anything to change that. So I like to roll with the punches.
G - Gutry, my last name, a Maori name. I was born in New Zealand and have a small amount of Maori blood.
H - Home, I bought my first 2 years ago on my own and I love ever second I spend there.

I - Instant film, I love my polaroid cameras, all of them. I went to school for photography and now mostly use just instant film.

J -Junk, I like to collect things, some say "junk", I say treasures!
K - Keitzke, my new long haired Chi Chi pup. I hit her when she ran into the middle of the road and then adopted her after no one claimed her at the pound.
L - Letters, I love receiving and writing letters.
M - Mixtapes, I like to make mixtapes, I have been working on an A-Z themed mixtape collection for the last few years. Each has a different theme and I only make about 10 for my closest friends.
N -Nevada, Reno, Nevada, I love living here.
O - Orange, and Lime, one of my favorite color combinations. My room is decorated in those colors around 2 ceramic orange Siamese cats that were my grandmothers.
P - Piano, I am learning to play, and I am so in love with it. The most beautiful thing.
Q - Quitting, I am not a fan of it.
R - Rukus, my staffy terrier who I love more than anything. He has been the one constant in my life over the last 8 years when everything else has changed.

S - Small Brown Bike, my favorite band.
T - Typewriters, I have a little collection of them, ones that work and ones that don't.
U - Umbrellas, I am not a fan of actual umbrellas but I love the imagery. Mostly because we do not need them in Reno, we don't get much rain, but when we do I listen to records and lay on my floor.
V - Vintage, I love all things vintage. My house is decorated in a combination of vintage and Ikea.
W - Waihiki Island, the island in New Zealand I grew up on. It is the most beautiful place I have ever seen and I love visiting.
X -Xoxo, I just like how it looks.
Y - You, I just like the word "you" and "yours"
Z - Zine, I wrote my first this year, and it was nerve recking putting myself out there so much.

Thursday, January 21, 2010


There are these birds (pigeons) who are always on the power lines on my corner. Everytime I drive past i want to take pictures of them but never do. So this last weekend, on a lovely overcast day, Todd and Rukus and I walked over so I could take the pictures. Todd asks "which camera are you taking?". HA he doesn't know me at all. My answer was obviously "umm 3 of them". DUH!

Not sure which is my favorite. Well, I do, but they are polaroids that need scanning...
I love overcast photos!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Did that really happen?

Its really crazy to think that I closed Never Ender 2 years ago this week. When I look back at it, it seems like it really never happened. Then I find the photos today while setting up my new computer. They make it all real, documented proof. And I stumble upon images of art I made and must have sold, since I don't have it now. Pieces I don't even remember making, or that I don't remember what they look like close up. I remember those first months, no walls at the opening, no bathroom for months, no heat, no floor. And me, only 22, no clue what I was doing when I look back at it. I just can not believe I actually did it. And it did well. I miss so many things about those 3 years and I regret so many things. But overall it taught me a lot and it pushed me to my breaking point from which I decided to start over and rebuild myself. I just can't believe it was real sometimes.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I never said I was a writer (the censored version)

The overwhelming feelings that have no where to go but the back of your neck and only for a second do they explode out your eyes, but only for a second because that is all you seem able to muster these days. Watching the colored fountain lights from seven stories up as they change from purple to blue to orange to rainbow and back again. Your head is running lists of the things you want to do versus the things you need to do. The feelings you tell yourself you don't have versus the ones you try not to have, as if they are different. Pausing for a moment to wonder how many color combinations the fountain has and what time they turn off the lights. Its now 11:49pm so maybe in 11 minutes, maybe not. And you don't know where it comes from when it gets this bad and you don't know what to do with it. Does it store up, do you feel it coming on slowly and just ignore it? You have no clue, it just hits you all of a sudden and you act surprised every time. Thinking about all the decisions that get made for you, maybe you let them, maybe the idea of letting things happen how they will just makes you a coward for not stepping up. For a while it is easy to just go along with it all, it makes the most sense. Then there are the nights with the missing and all the things you shouldn't say but you know you will because you can't just stand by and watch it go unnoticed and forgotten. Purple and Teal, Green and Pink, you wonder if the people driving past at 12:02am even notice how beautiful this is, how lucky they are to be here. All the tiny things that make it all worth it for you, that make your heart hurt. The things only for you, and for him to notice you noticing. And all that noticing that seems worth all the missing and the holding back. But really what is really worth anything? The colors, the fonts, the seconds of songs that make your heart pound out of your chest. The memories that make your eyes water. The touch on your face, the looks into your eyes and you know you could die right there and know that feeling evoked, that moment right there-was it. The most pure, real feeling you have ever felt. The only time you really, truly believed. Then like it was never, its gone. An awkward phone call, a broken glass, a trip miles away, too much thinking and the overwhelming feeling that some days life is just too much for you to take. And you want so badly to be strong enough, to believe this is how it should be, but sometimes wanting something is not enough to succeed at the things we want. The lists run through your mind of all the things you want to do and the feeling that you are not smart enough, motivated enough, outgoing enough-enough, to do any of it. The putting yourself down is not going to help and the validity in it, who knows, but tonight, alone, seven stories up, fountain lights boasting the beauty that you wish you could touch, you wish. You wish that you "could dream" but all you are is scared that you are not enough for the things people expect of you, you are never going to be enough to change his mind, and one day it is just going to get too hard. And tonight a phone call makes the lists stop, but you know you need to learn to do that on your own. You need to rebuild the foundations on stable ground this time, for all the right reasons, and the real feelings. But first you need to figure out how to deconstruct to rebuild. You need to stop thinking his eyes are telling the truth and start listening to his words.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

New Hobbies

Ohhhhh so excited about all my new hobbies.

The book I got from the Library is amazing, so many beautiful ideas. i couldn't wait to start.

Here is the group of all 4, yes 4, I couldn't stop. They all need a little more added and I am sure I will rearrange them a million times, but that is ok.

Little Deer, Pea Pod looking plants, Moss and Fern.

Amazing Clouche jar with silver plate I got at the thrift store with little white bird off my hearth.

Went to Michael's for Linseed Oil, left with this Glass Candy Jar. Birds nest from a wedding I went to this summer.

Today I ran a ton of errands to get supplies for all my new hobbies.
Went to Nevada Fine Arts today for One-Shot, now I am all ready to get back to Pinstriping practice.

I got my glasses from Sarah May that she bought me for Christmas. I LOVE THEM!
Until I build them their own shelf they live on the kitchen windowsill with their brothers "4,5,6". Did I mention I LOVE THEM!!

It was a good weekend of good friends, getting things done, and new inspirations. Now back to the grind for the next 12 days, woot!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy 2010

As if I need more hobbies.... I think I am going to make some Terrariums.
It all started while showing Ray my new calendar by Wolfie and the Sneak. I was drawn to the April images of the Terrarium and BOOM it hit me, I want to make one! Or three...
Then tonight while watching "The Yellow Submarine" with Sarah May she came across an article in Martha on them, which I must have forgotten that I read last week. So really its meant to be.
Tomorrow while running a zillion errands with Sarah May we will stop by my favorite library who has a neat book on Terrariums (again, hello, meant to be!) to do some research.
In the mean time, here are a few that look really neat.
I love Orchids!

Mostly I just like this photo, but I am going to get the book its from tomorrow at the Library.

The shape of this bottle is really neat and the layers in the dirt and sand are just like how I want mine.Butt-errarium

While looking on Wolfie and the Sneaks site for the image of my calendar I came across some amazing things like this print.

I love feeling inspired again!

And some words....

I am pretty glad the holidays are over. Don't get me wrong, it was nice seeing old friends, getting amazing gifts, and having a few days of relaxing, but they just aren't for me. I am excitted for the New Year, but got thinking too much about why it matters. Why we make these decisions and goals based on a certain day every year and most break them by the 2nd week of January. I feel like I make "resolutions" every day. I finish my day and think "what did I not like today and how can I make tomorrow better? How can I make myself better?" So, "New Years Resolutions" for me: continue to make life great and continue to make yourself who you want to be. So far, off to a good start.
Spent my NYE (after reading it 1987498 times on FB this week, I finally figured out what it stood for), exactly how I wanted to. Today I spent my day organizing, cleaning, and working on projects. It was really nice spending all morning alone, getting things done. Tomorrow Sarah May and I will go thrifting for new clothes and hopefully boots, Nevada Fine Arts for my own 1-shot paint so I can start Pinstriping again, and Terrarium research. Its going to be a good day!
So 2010, so far is a keeper, and I plan to make everyday better than the last. XOX