reading and thinking

i just finished my book, "the perks of being a wallflower". its almost sad finishing a book you have spent so long picking up and putting down. so now i journey to the garage to find a new purse book and pack away some things i would rather not look at right now, but first some of my favorite parts of the book: (while listening to sun kil moon's neverending math equation, and the promise ring's all of my everythings)

"i don't understand that. i would give someone a record so they could love the record, not so they would always know i gave it to them"

"but mostly, i was crying because i was suddenly very aware of the fact that it was me standing up in that tunnel with the wind over my face. not caring if i saw downtown. not even thinking about it. because i was standing in the tunnel. and i was really there. and that was enough to make me feel infinite."

"when i was done reading the poem, everyone was quiet. a very sad quiet. but the amazing thing was that it wasn't a bad sad at all. it was just something that made everyone look around at each other and know that they were there, Sam and Patrick looked at me. and i looked at them, and i think they knew. not anything specific really. they just knew. and i think that's all you can ever ask from a friend."

i love that last one and i feel blessed to have some people in my life as of late that know what you are thinking and know when you need a hand on your shoulder and a full minute of staring.

and one from me:

"i am now seeing that memories are what becomes when events are no longer real. looking back at events, people, feelings from my past, it's like they were never real. like i am watching them on TV as the memories role on inside my mind. and maybe for some of the memories this is good because it separates you enough to make you numb to them. maybe there were never real."

image to follow, it is drying and in need of stitching.

the end of summer

its hard to believe the summer is about over. i haven't really done much but on the other side i have done so much. this was my summer of change so maybe i cant weigh it as the physical things i didn't do, but as the mental things that have made the world of difference. but looking back, drinking, bikes, girls, reading, pretty much amazing. i think my favorite moment was on the porch having the most amazing talk with 3 of the greatest people i have known.
well summer, i have a few weeks to make the most of you, we will see what happens.

summer song

"The clouds in the summer sky don't do shit for the heat..."

ceiling fan and record player for ford truck window
Record player fixed, just in time for it to not rain

but it sure did try

elizabeth

i have lost a few friends and never seen the sense in it, why good, young people die. i know there are reasons in religion but what about the reasons for the rest of us? seems like the ones who go i have distanced myself from their lives because i saw them going down and maybe that made it easier. but in this case life just got in the way. people change, people distance, but you always love your friends and they always you. you can add all the "shes no longer in pain"s that you want but the truth of the matter is shes dead and i don't see any sense in it. i just want to see her one more time. i guess the only piece of sense i can find is that each time you lose someone you hold the others so much closer and your moments seem so much more important.
"you're going to sink wearing that heart of gold"