Monday, July 14, 2008


i dont know if the weekend exhaustion finally set in or the mental over-everything-ness, but im beat.
the weekend art on the lawn went super well, i would have sunk if it wasnt for stacie. talk about a true friend, she basically rang everyone up all day and didnt complain at all. what a gal.
sarah arrives this weekend, im excited, its going to be weird for sure having her in the same town.
well this is lame and im too tired to be exciting, so goodnight

Sunday, July 6, 2008

what i (we) built last night

What I Built Last Night by The Casket Lottery
"(Oh me of little faith...) Offer nothing to believers, but words. whether the hand of God, or the work of the Devil. the burden is upon my shoulders. (All these words whispered in my ears...) Nothing is sacred, for we are all sheep (All these words whispered in the air...). I'm not the sheperd by any means. i'm merely the man with schematics for building the bridge. sacrificed by hands."

sometimes i have these things that i have to do that make my heart sink into my stomach and i all of a sudden feel too overwhelmed to breath. when we had the store it was putting up the walls, then it was sanding the floors, then it was taking the walls down, well pretty much everything felt like that i guess. so today as im staring at the framed walls my step dad and i hung last weekend, i suddenly felt so overwhelmed at the idea of drywall, mud, texture, paint, carpet, baseboards and door trim.
well just like everything else i freak out about, it is finished, well the hard part is, and it really wasn't so bad.

the story of sunday afternoons in july aka me and sparky's only days off spent working...

last sunday we bought wood, planned it out, made the frame and hung the door. i stood on 2x4's while sparky screwed them together, thats about all i was good for on sunday.

today we cut dry wall, "sheet rock" as sparky calls it, i call it pain in my butt. he made it all look so easy, but turns out, after he left to to my own devices to finish up, my "sheet rock" cutting skills are sub par...(to be continued).

we even insulated it, stacie will be nice and warm and quiet. we even wore masks and gloves so we dont die.
if this was a close up you could see how much better sparky's side is than mine. but i did my side, almost all on my own (anthony held the "sheet rock" and tightened a few screws), cut the dry wall, insulated it and screwed it up. I even had a good attempt at hammering the finishing nails into/at the door frame. there are a few extra dents in the door frame but hey gives it character.

so even though my first adventure in home construction was overwhelming, i accomplished something huge, well we did, ok sparky did, but i helped! and so did ruky!

something for fun....

you have all seen this photo, from way back when we first met, i think anthony had just gotten out of the hospital (i am assuming this based on how thin he looks in the face). those two boys look very alike....

...well the other night they were being crazy as they do and i caught another twin moment...

i swear, they are lucky they are cute, cas they drive me nuts!

how i spent my "me time" for today...
i walked rukus, i made myself dinner alone for the first time in a long long time, i watched a movie while doing a lino cut, i made this very long blog, and now i will go read some more of "don't sweat the small stuff", or maybe a new zine i got in the mail yesterday!

Saturday, July 5, 2008

and you can say you knew me when

i have been making a lot of changes in my life and myself since i closed the store. and so many of my friends have made comments about seeing the changes and applauding me for it. and i have tried before and failed, well maybe i didn't but no one said such things before. so i really feel like i am doing good this time around. and the more praise i get the more my spirits lift and i keep going harder and harder, changing more and more and trying to become the person i will be proud of. so the other night a friend who i have had for a very long time said something along the lines of "i know this is just how you are". the content was an email i sent out where i was being realistic about an upcoming event. so this comment really hurt my feelings and mad me mad because how could he say that when he has no idea who i am anymore. this friend who never calls any of us. so then i thought about it and realized, this person who everyone always thinks is so nice, happy and positive, when i look at it, he is the one who is negative. maybe he is even unhappy, i don't know. anyways the moral of this story is that i let it roll off me, not the amber you all knew once. and to all of my friends who have been the ones there pushing me, cheering me on through all these life changes, thank you. thats all i can say.

before my head explodes

as you all know, i work a lot right now. and i'm ok with it, i'm ok with my jobs, i'm ok with my summer not being as carefree as most. but i have noticed that i have been getting stressed and actually shaky. so i have decided i need to take 30 minutes to an hour a day for "me time" before i go crazy. and you know i couldn't do this without lists and rules so here is my list of what qualifies as "me time", in case i run out of ideas:
working on letters
taking pictures
working on any art
watching a movie and not working while doing so
blogging :)
going out with friends
going to the movies alone
going to eat alone
(i have honestly never done either and i think its past due)
walking Rukus (thats me and him time, even better)
going to the library
shopping (for fun, not necessity)
hanging out in my yard, bbqing or making marshmellows or even just sitting on my porch
riding my bike (girls with gears is back and bigger than ever)
sitting by the river
working out

so we will see how far i get with this.
my "me time" for today is emails, blogging while watching a movie on Hank Williams that i got from the library. maybe i will go get some marshmellows and beers and hang out in front of the fire outside in the already smoky air.