Monday, August 31, 2009

number numbers

when 10681 seems so long gone and 389 seems like a never ending battle, it makes me wonder if i will ever be at the same place as the person i love. is that even possible. when we are constantly changing and growing, does that mean we are constantly growing apart? it seems like we make these ideas of what we want, what we think we need and then once they are fulfilled the whole idea changes and we are back to square one. wanting, needing, something totally different, something out of our reach. at least for me. if these wants are what we think will make us happy, and they keep changing, will we ever be satisfied. maybe i dont want to be. maybe somewhere in my mind the striving is what keeps me going. i am not one to settle, at least i try to be that person. but some nights all of these thoughts just fly around in my head and all i end up is confused and lonely. and the memories of times that i now remember being good, that at some point i gave up on and decided they were not, flood my mind and make me wonder, will i ever even know what i want? does anyone ever really know? i know the feeling i want, i feel it so many of these nights, but then there are these nights that leave me disapointed and wondering what the fuck i am doing here. waiting. because i know one day, this, will be exactly what i want. but sometimes i wish the waiting was over and they just let it be.