beating like a hammer

i hate the feeling when you have no idea how you are feeling.
i wonder why i only feel inspired when my heart hurts and lately i have been wondering if it ever really has.
you can tell yourself you are over someone, but how do you know you are feeling it and not just thinking it. same goes for love. how do you know if you really love someone or if you are just telling yourself you do. the other night i spent a lot of time thinking about that. how do you know if any of it is even real. and maybe that is just something you don't ask yourself for fear of losing all hope.
what i decided: it is his smell that makes me believe it. of all the reasons, that's why i believe it, what sort of logic is in that.

"if i tremble, they're going to eat me alive. if i stumble, they're going to eat me alive"